Forgiveness
by outSide.castle
Summary: A run through the woods and a stream of haunting memories. Gemma reflects on what has happened over the last few years and how it has changed her. Bittersweet oneshot.


**Author's Note: **One of my many midnight madness fics, but I actually decided to post this one. Enjoy.

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I kept my gaze forward, wind blowing my hair back into a stream of red as I ran recklessly through the dense forest. I flinched as a particularly sharp branch whipped my cheek, leaving a small red line near the corner of my mouth. I could feel my breath coming in hollow gasps as my lungs cried for me to stop, but my legs had a mind of their own. I was on invisible wings, flying past the snow covered trees and I wasn't about to stop anytime soon.

It was winter again. A time when things died and waited to be reborn from the ashes come spring. Like a mini-apocalypse, the world became buried beneath the cold, white snow, anticipating the warm, green revival that lay in wait.

In the time that had passed, I had grown - mentally, thank heavens, for if I had become any taller I would've cried. Some say that I've hardened inside, not quite so susceptible to all the pain and suffering that everyone seemed to like to throw at me. But I know that that is not true. I've not hardened, I've only withdrawn. I found that the best way to not get hurt is to not hold anything dear. That way, when the end comes,as it always does, I will not shed any tears as I wave goodbye.

Ann had lost the little courage she had and become the governess her family wanted. I knew what kind of life she led - the same routine day after day. Dreadfully dull, and to an extent, suffocating. But I had given up trying to give Ann hope. She was thoroughly convinced that she was useless. Who was I to tell her that she was kind and beautiful with the voice of an angel when everybody else in her life told her otherwise? So I said goodbye to Ann, the old Ann.

Pippa still hadn'tcrossed over. I visited the realms less and less often, for everytime I went, she would remind me of what I had done. Her former beauty had been reduced to a fleeting memory. Her skin had yellowed, her rich brown locks had turned brittle with hate, and her violet eyes had milked over until they were nothing but a blank canvas for her heart to depict its own bitterness. That wasn't Pippa. Not the Pippa I knew.

Felicity, dear Felicity. Years of close friendship had not brought her any closer to me, only farther. In the end, she couldn't put up with her life anymore, and had escaped like her mother. Now, she made her living in Rome as a prostitute, charging little for a lot. The very thought made me gag in disgust. I hadn't seen her in a long time, but no doubt her former vigor and strength had been eroded away by her daily poundings from who knows how many men.

And last but definitely not least, Kartik.

My breath came out in a small gasp as my legs finally gave out. I reached out my hands, wincing as they collided with the rocky earth. I lay still for a few moments, the world around me silent save for my heavy breathing. I rolled over, closing my eyes.

I hadn't thought of him in so long. I hadn't seen him for much longer. After I received his promise of loyalty to the Order, he had disappeared. I waited day after day, week after week, month and year for him to return. For him to give me some sign that he cared, but even he had let me down. At first, I kept making excuses for him, but eventually I had given up and finally faced the fact that I really did mean less than nothing to him.

I waited for myself to cry, willed myself actually, but the tears just didn't come. It had been forever since I had a good cry, and I wanted nothing more at this moment. But I sighed, knowing that my tear ducts had probably either broken or run out of liquid with the amount oftears I had shed over the last few years.

"Gemma, Gemma." A voice whispered. I closed my eyes, willing the voice to disappear, to leave me alone.

"I came back...look up, it's me." The voice floated inside my head, contorting and twisting until its last echoes faded.

"Gemma." This last word was solid, and it smacked me in the face so hard that I had to open my eyes.

I saw a familiar face. Outlined in the pale blue sky were thick, dark curls that seemed to invite my touch. Dark lashes framed chocolate colored eyes. High cheekbones, a strong straight nose, and full lips told me all I needed to know.

"You came back." My voice came out a hoarse whisper. I raised a trembling hand up towards his face, but it came a few inches short.

"I came back." I couldn't see hisexpression very clearly against the sky's brightness, but I could hear the smile in his voice. He reached his hand out until it reached mine. I instinctively wrapped my fingers around his, feeling his warmth flow through me like an elixir. Suddenly, I could feel the girl inside, the one hiding in the depths of my heart. The one curled into a tight little ball as bolts of pain bounced harmlessly off of her back. The one who hid behind a mask, oblivious to the joys of emotional attachment, love, and happily so.

I felt that girl slowly begin to unfurl from her fetal position, rising to her full, magnificent height. I felt her smile for the first time, surprised at how easy it was. I felt her glance at me with a regretful expression before running away into the snow. I watched her go, sorry to see her disappear, but yet happy to see her gone. I waved.

"I came back." He repeated, bringing me to a halting realization that he was telling the truth. I nodded. "I know."

The girl appeared again. "Gemma, I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I know." I said.

_Gemma, y__ou're forgiven._

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It was weird, I know, but I actually liked it. I might write another one if I feel like it. Sorry for its rather unsatisfying ending. I felt writing more would be overkill. Hope you enjoyed, and reviews would be great.


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